The Marriage Countdown
I find it comical when people put a timeline on relationships. Like who said you should get married after 2-3 years of dating? Or ask someone why they waited 10 years to finally get married? Last time I checked, a certain time frame doesn’t specifically mean it’s time to move on to the next level. What if y’all aren’t ready? Or the famous phrase “we already act like we’re married... so why not just get married?” That’s definitely NOT the reason why a couple should get married!
Trent and I started dating back in 2007. We weren’t in a serious relationship but we got pregnant after a few months. Was it planned? Of course not! But one thing we didn’t want to do was force our relationship just because we were going to have a baby together. I was 21 years old and he was 23. We were just starting to get to know each other and marriage was not the right answer. It would’ve been a “forced” relationship and we deserved better than that.
A year after Tristan was born, we decided to move to Virginia with Trent. He was currently playing with the Washington Redskins and I figured it would be a great way to see where our “relationship” could go. I was a little nervous because I’ve never lived with a man before but we thought it would be the best thing to do for Tristan. So, we packed our bags and flew to Virginia with a one-way ticket. Were we on great terms? As far as parenting, yes! But when it comes to our relationship, we both didn’t know. The day after we arrived in Virginia, the team called Trent into their facility. He came back shortly after and broke the news to me. The team cut him from the roster. At that point, I had no idea what to do or what was going to happen next. We ended up spending the week with him and decided to fly back home to Indy. Was I heartbroken? Yes! But honestly, it was God’s way of telling us that it was not the right time. Who knows?!? What if he didn’t get cut and we ended up staying with him for the season? We may have had too many arguments and decide to just split ways afterwards. I mean, as much as I wanted for “us” to work, I don’t think we were ready. Obviously, God didn’t think so either!
We didn’t move our lives until 2012 and we were actually in better place in our relationship at that time. Got engaged in 2014 and got married in 2015. I wouldn’t have changed ANYTHING about our relationship’s timeline. Yes, we waited eight years before we tied the knot! We are happily married and I love him more every day! I didn’t “suffer” waiting those eight years. I didn’t feel pressured to get married even before. Everything about our wedding day was pure perfection and that’s what happens when you allow God to be in control. The problem with our society is that we tend to compare our lives, our relationships, our family to everyone else’s. Please stop doing that! Your life is unique and different from someone else’s. You have your own story and it shouldn’t be motivated by others. Continue to live your life and enjoy every minute of it! About 40% to 50% of married couples in the United States divorce, according to the American Psychological Association. Don’t fall into the pressure and possibly end up in that 40% to 50% statistic! Take your time, get to know yourself, then get to know your partner. You must learn to love yourself first before loving someone else.