Becoming a SAHM… and more!
As many of you know, I am a SAHM (stay at home mom). It’s only been 2.5 years since I gave up my career but it’s been quite an experience already. First of all, I am so thankful that we are financially able for me to stay home with our baby. It wasn’t an easy decision though. I prayed hard about it before finally making the decision. I was on my 12 week maternity leave from my Employer which gave me enough time to make up my mind. Did I want to stay home with my newborn? Yes, of course! But the thought of leaving a job that I loved and the people I worked with was the hardest part for me. There were times I cried because I simply did not know what I wanted to do. But at that point, I knew I had to choose my family over my career.
Not gonna lie, I was actually pretty excited to be a SAHM. I worked full-time for almost six years and I felt like I missed so much when I worked. When we moved to our house, it would take me an hour to get to work and an hour to get back home. That’s a whole TWO hours driving to/from work per day. That’s a whole lot of time that I simply cannot get back. We know that children grow up so fast and I am so blessed to be able to watch them grow up. I can now go to lunch with Tristan. He also loves it when I take Maya with me to attend his class parties. When it came to Maya, I didn’t miss important milestones such as her first word, when she started sitting up, and more. I am now able to be present for our children! That was pretty much the whole reason why I decided to stay home and it brings me so much happiness.
Now here comes the struggles...
Being a SAHM isn’t fancy! I don’t have all the time in the world for myself. AND it’s exhausting. I’d be lucky to have enough time to get glammed up. I feel like I do laundry every other day and find myself stressed because my toddler won’t listen to me. We have maids that come to deep clean our house every other week but I still have to pick up after the kids, multiple times a day. Am I complaining? Not at all! My Husband helps a whole lot too. Luckily, he doesn’t expect a clean house, clean laundry, and meals on the table every day. He NEVER has those expectations from me. I thank GOD for that! You may not know it, but early last year, I felt like I hit a breaking point. My every day life seemed like a rotation and I was more exhausted than ever. Want to know what didn’t help? Seeing all these moms on social media with their lives together. I saw SAHMs who looked perfectly put together and still had time to do the fancy little things. They packed their children’s lunches, daily with cute little setups and notes. It seemed like everything I was doing wasn’t good enough. I was always putting myself down. My Husband, on the other hand, felt opposite. He knew I was doing the best as I can, especially after chasing around a very active toddler. He suggested enrolling Maya at a daycare but I just couldn’t! I don’t work... now why would I put her in a daycare? He told me to put my needs first. Ummmm well.... I’m a mother! My priorities are: God, Husband, Children, and then myself (in that specific order). Mothers ALWAYS puts their husband and kids needs before their own, right? He said “You need to put your needs first! In order to be a better wife and mother, you have to be your best you!” When he put it that way, he was completely right. I couldn’t be the mother I wanted to be because I was not taking care of myself. We enrolled Maya in a Mother’s Day Out program at a church near our house and I’m so glad we did. Now, I have two days out of the week when I can focus on things that I want to do, even if it’s just for a few hours. I use that time to go to the gym, grab brunch/lunch, shop, and etc. I love having time to myself and Maya loves school. That’s a win/win, right?
While I was starting to feel sane again, I wanted to do more! I thought my photography would be the answer. I finally decided to start taking professional photos once again. Photography has been my passion for years and I’ve gotten pretty good at it too. Children and family photography was my niche and I also took on boutiques and local businesses as clients. I absolutely loved it but I was not getting enough business, in my opinion. People hire photographers like they hire hair stylists, doctors, and etc. You find one you LOVE and absolutely stick with them! With me not being from Fort Worth, it was really difficult to get new clients without having to lower my price to catch their attention. So I basically worked way under my value for some clients and I just couldn’t do it anymore. My photography style isn’t what most people prefer. So, I gave it up and only agreed to shoot with those who I’ve worked with numerous times and preferred my own photography style.
Sometimes letting go of something works out in your favor. Not that photography was toxic, but I was more worried about pleasing the needs of my clients. I gave them exactly what they wanted even if I wasn’t passionate about it. Out of nowhere, a blessing made its way in my DMs. Yes, in my Instagram DMs, out of all places. That messaged opened up a whole new opportunity that opened my eyes. An opportunity that basically includes all of my passion into one.
“I’m thankful for my struggle because with it I wouldn’t have stumbled across my strength.””
— Alexe Elle
I’ve said this before in my previous blog, but I will say it again. Only God knows your purpose. Sometimes you may not understand why He puts you in certain situations but just know those situations will help mold you and lead you to exactly what He made you for. When you pray to God, he opens doors for you. BUT when you have Faith in God and allow him to do His work on His own time, He will open HUGE French double doors for you! You cannot define your Purpose and you should not allow monetary gains to be the reason why you decide to jump into something. Just because someone’s success is what you want doesn’t mean you should do exactly the same thing because it may not work out for you. Do you! Be yourself! Find your own voice. Stop trying to do what everyone else is doing. It’s okay to be influenced by people but make it your own! Start doing those things and see where it will take you.